17 April 2010



forks and folks


WORDS BEGÜM SEKENDIZ BORÉ I.T POST #07 SPRING/SUMMER 2010


I AM LEFT-HANDED. SINCE BIRTH. IT'S A HANDICAP. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WORKS AGAINST ME. HANDS, FOR STARTERS. I HATE SHAKING HANDS. PEOPLE PERFUNCTORILY EXTEND ME THEIR WRONG HANDS AND I INVOLUNTARILY TEND TO SHAKE THEM. ALCOHOLICS' HANDS SHAKE INVOLUNTARILY ! AND BAD RESTAURANT TABLES. AT RESTAURANT TABLES, KNIVES AND FORKS WORK AGAINST ME. I ONLY EAT SEAFOOD, RIGHT. AND ONLY OYSTER FORKS ARE THE FORKS THAT ARE SET TO RIGHT. I AM SICK OF REARRANGING THE CUTLERY AND I AM SICK OF SERVANTS. TO SICKEN THEM BACK, I ORDER MY DESSERT FIRST AND THEN MY STARTERS. AND I PAY WITHOUT LEAVING. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN TITS FOR TATS.

NOT TO LOSE MY APPETITE FOR LIFE THOUGH, I'VE FOUND FACTS TO CONSOLE MYSELF WITH. THEY SAID THE LEFT-HANDED WERE GOOD AT TENNIS SO I STARTED PLAYING TENNIS. THEY SAID THE LEFT-HANDED WERE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THE RIGHT HANDED SO I DECIDED TO BECOME A GENIUS. I AM NOW A GENIUS THAT NO AVERAGE-BRAINED RIGHT-HANDED KID WANTS TO RUB ELBOWS WITH. LIKE BACK AT PRIMARY SCHOOL. AT PRIMARY SCHOOL, NO RIGHT-HANDED KID IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD SIT NEXT TO ME DURING THE DICTATION CLASS.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. I COULD HAVE BEEN UGLY AND I COULD HAVE HAD TO FIND LIES INSTEAD OF FACTS TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. 'IT'S THE INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS' TYPE OF LIES. TO ENDEAR MYSELF TO OTHERS, I WOULD WEAR LIGHT REFLECTING CONCEALERS AND REJUVENATING CELESTIAL MASKS TO COVER MY INNER UGLINESS. THAT'S WHAT THOSE 'HIDEOUS ON THE OUTSIDE BUT SO BEAUTIFUL IN THE INSIDE' SORT OF PEOPLE ALL DO. POOR THEM. I PREFER BEING THE HONEST TACTLESS ONE THEY ALL HATE AND ENVY. I AM A NICE PERSON REALLY, THEY KNOW THAT. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME TO GIVE THEM A HAND FOR INSTANCE, I ALWAYS GIVE THEM ONE. I GIVE THEM MY RIGHT HAND. FOR MY LEFT IS MY RIGHT HAND BUT MY RIGHT HAND CAN GO TO HELL. I MEAN PEOPLE. "HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE".
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